REFLECTING ON MY FIRST YEAR AS A MAMA

My baby is officially one year old which means I survived my first year of parenthood! Technically, he’s been a one year old for a month today so I’m a little late but this is life. Becoming a mom was something I knew I wanted since I was a little girl. As a young woman, I’d daydream about being pregnant and holding my baby. I would look in my rearview mirror as I was driving and imagine a little car seat in the back. Seriously! I looked forward to the day I would become a mom to a little angel.

The day I found out I was pregnant… Best. Day. Ever! About two weeks later I was miserably sick and stayed that way for months. I developed gestational diabetes, anemia and low iron during my pregnancy.  My reality was so far away from the daydreams I’d had about carrying my child. I just couldn’t wait for him to come out so I could get on to the sweet dreams I’d envisioned.

He came and I was overjoyed…for two weeks. Then postpartum depression set in followed by vaginismus. I remember thinking “whose freaking life is this?!” Beyond my physical and emotional issues, I realized that parenting was not as easy as I thought it would be. I was struggling. It wasn’t fun. Sure there were wonderful, sweet moments but it was no cakewalk. Everything I’d been imagining in my head for all those years was just a silly dream I’d created from watching mushy movies.

Being a mom has been the HARDEST job I’ve ever taken on. And unlike all the other jobs I’ve had in my life, I couldn’t quit this one in search of something easier. This first year of parenting has forced me to toughen up. It’s made me become more selfless than I ever thought I could be. It’s changed my perspective on life and made me much more appreciative of the little things. Like showers. Ha! Just kidding. But not really.

I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster since day one. I’m still riding but with time I’ve learned to compose myself. I’ve learned to laugh on this ride and relinquish control of every little thing. I’ve learned to anticipate that there will be steep drops and wild unexpected turns. Now I can throw my hands in the air in surrender with each dip because I know it wont be long before I level out again.

If there was any advice I’d give to a new mama it would be to just roll with the punches and give yourself grace. There are a lot of challenges that come along with becoming a mom. Some you’ll quickly master and others you’ll greatly struggle with. That’s okay. It’s not expected that you always know what you’re doing because this is new! You’ve never done it. Who jumps on a bike for the first time and rides off into the sunset with perfect balance? No one.

Parenting comes with no handbook. It literally feels like a guessing game sometimes. I’ve learned to just use my best judgment and do my very best. God will take care of the rest. It’s gotten me to this point with a happy, healthy, handsome baby boy. I’m proud of myself. Looking back on this year makes me realize that though it’s difficult, I can do this. I am doing this. And I’m killing it!