THIS IS 31

Wow! What journey 30 has been! I will never forget this year and all the transformation it brought along with it. Shortly after my 30th birthday I stopped creating content on all my platforms and ditched social media for several months to focus on finding peace and happiness. I was feeling overwhelmed, unfulfilled, and lost. There were some negative thoughts, habits, hurts, and emotions inside of me that needed to be brought to the light. I thank God they were! In the past year, my life has been greatly enriched by the lessons I’ve learned. In hopes of encouraging you on your own journey I want to share with you 7 major lessons I’ve learned this past year.

 

1. Observe But Don’t Absorb

This is a big one and therefore at the top of the list. Getting this point into my spirit has been huge for me. I absorb the energies of others. This can sometimes be a good thing but more often than not (in my own experience) it isn’t. People often bring me their problems because I’m a great listener. They pour out their souls to me and then leave feeling better not realizing that a transfer has taken place. The weight with which they entered the conversation has now been placed on my shoulders.

This happens particularly with the people I love. I’d carry their weight because I love them and I care. I wanted them to feel supported. I could go days or even weeks feeling heavy or stressed with their situation. I’m not saying that they were wrong to come to me but I had to learn to stop inserting myself into their situation and absorbing those negative energies. The same can be said about being around toxic people. I can simply listen/observe, offer advice if requested and move on. I don’t have to carry the burdens or respond to the actions of others. I can simply observe what is happening or being shared and carry on without compromising my own peace.

 

2. Live and Let Live

I am a grown woman with the freedom and power to make my own decisions. I live my life how I chose. The same goes for every other human being. To piggyback on point number one, in my state of heaviness from absorbing negative energies I often found myself trying to “fix” people and their situations. The thing is, most people don’t want to be fixed. They often have the solution to their own problems and only come to you to make them feel better in the moment. I would waste my time creating solutions and escapes for people expecting them to do what I told them so that they could live better lives. Surprise, surprise. They weren’t interested in my solutions which felt like a straight-up slap in the face.

This lesson has pushed me to create distance in relationships that were once very close. That really hurt me but I did so in order to protect my own peace and happiness. No matter how strange or toxic or irresponsible it seems to me, people have the right to choose how they want to live. I must respect their choices just as I expect them to respect mine.

 

3. Be Mindful Of What You Consume

Another thing I came to realize during my social media break was that social media itself is not bad (like we often hear). It was not to blame for my self-esteem issues. I was. It’s true that what we consume from social media shapes our thinking and our feelings but we are in control of what we view, read, and double tap. When I returned to my social I did a massive clean out. I unfollowed anyone that made me feel a way about my body, my parenting or any other aspect of my life. These weren’t all bad people who had set out to make me feel a way, but I did. It was my responsibility to recognize my own triggers and avoid engaging with them.

Even beyond my triggers, I’m still careful of what I allow on my timelines. I’ll share one example. One person I followed posted a meme that said: “A group of people hanging together and not getting money is called a non profit organization”. I get it. Ha ha. It’s a joke….but is it? Why can’t these people just be friends that love, support and care about each other? It’s supposed to be funny but we internalize these things and in this case begin to glorify “getting money” and devalue friendship. We start to measure ourselves and others by this and before you know it, you’re feeling a way about yourself and your relationships are superficial or falling apart. I am very mindful now of what I’m consuming and intentional about who I follow.

 

4. Dream Big & Persevere

When I left social media for those few months I spent the time opening my mind to all the possibilities I’d written off for myself. I encouraged myself to create not for money or notoriety or to compete with anyone or anything; but just for the joy of it. I wrote down every creative idea I had. I have yet to act on them all but I’m excited to do so. I have so many creative endeavors in line!

I would be lying if I said it doesn’t scare me, though. I have this fear of failing and looking like a fool that always stops me from continuing when things get tough. But in this year I’ve heard so many stories of perseverance that have ended in success. I realized that I give up easily. I don’t like that about myself so I aim to continue dreaming big and sticking it out as I put my ideas in motion. That’s the only way to reach the destination.

 

5. Really Believe In Yourself

I’ve known for while now what my passion is but I have yet to accomplish my goals because I’ve let a lot of outside factors discourage me or make me believe I couldn’t. Whether it be a lack of knowledge, money, support, seeds of doubt that others plant, algorithms…I will no longer be letting anything stop me from believing that I can. I am dope! Smart. Multitalented. It doesn’t matter what may come against me or make my goals harder to accomplish. God is in control so I’m just going to keep working hard and being the magical person he created me to be.

 

6. Make Time For Yourself

One of my New Year resolutions was to be super mom. My son was just shy of 18 months at the start of the year and as a stay at home mom I wanted him to be active and learning just like the kids who go to daycare. So I did just that. I have been super mom but in the process I struggled to make time for anything else. This is a constant struggle because mom guilt is real. Between play dates, mommy and me classes, trampoline parks, teaching, cooking dinners, cleaning and everything else, I’ve desperately needed time for me.

My son is now two and a lot more independent. The past couple of months I’ve been taking more time for myself…which is how I was able to write this blog post. Yay me! I still have room to grow in this department but I’m working at it. I even have a solo trip planned for next weekend. No husband, no baby! Just “me” time.

 

7. Make Time For Your Marriage

Some time in August of this year my husband and I realized that we had not planned a single date night the whole year. Not one. We were in such a routine that neither of us had stopped to carve out some alone time. We checked our schedules and planned our first date night of 2019 in September. It was so nice to be kid-free. I remembered what it felt like to be the center of his attention and him, mine. It has made us more sensitive to each other and I love that. We’ve gone on at least 3 dates since then and it has really helped us to be closer…in more ways than one. We don’t want our flame to die so we have both promised to continue making time for our marriage to grow.

 

As I celebrate my 31^st birthday today I am thankful for all that 30 has taught me. I know that God has great things in store for me. I look forward to what this next year holds!